Marcie Christianson in a sequined red dress standing by the giant fish bowl of coins for Jerry’s kids. For those of you who spent any time in Rapid City in the 80's, this might ring a bell.
It's a good cause so I'm not supposed to laugh when they let someone who knew someone who knew someone completely humiliate herself by doing a rendition of "Somewhere over the Rainbow" complete with choreographed Up With People head bobs and pantomimed birds and lemons dropping or lemon drops dropping or whatever the hell. A mix of harsh judgement and the kind of guilt I feel whenever I see a piece of furniture that I find to be absolutely hideous has given me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I force myself to recall something about how once music reaches God's ears, it's all the same. That's what the Reverend Bob McBride used to say. Then I remember that I am not God.
I think of that lady in church who used to sing high above the rest of the congregation in this wretched voice and how mom would pinch us if we showed any signs of breaking up because if we did, she would lose it too and there would be no one there to pinch her. Pretty soon all of us would be hunched over, biting our lips, reciting the Lord's Prayer over and over in our minds as not to conspicuously laugh and embarass the woman and perhaps even her entire family.
It's no use. I cannot stop laughing at the expense of this poor woman on the telethon who's heart must have been full with anticipation leading up to this very moment. It does not help that Brian is in tears next to me and that our mothers are too far away to give us a good pinch.
From guilt and pity, I am obliged to be more hopeful. Perhaps a midnight spot following an Outback Steakhouse segment with John Madden on Jerry’s Telethon will be just the right break and ten years from now Jay Leno will play the old clip for a good laugh. By then this woman who had me reluctantly doubled over in laughter will have the benefit of perspective. She'll wonder where in the hell were her friends when she chose a cheap black dress for her debut, a dress that draws attention to her pale skin and flabby arms that jiggle whenever she indicates there is a rainbow somewhere over there, and over there, look, birds flying. She'll wonder why in the hell no one pointed out that she might not look so dorky on national television if she would just remember that her elbows were not hinged at the hips.
Brian loves the telethon precisely for the cheese factor. He eats it up. It is not something I had a taste for as a kid or even now that I can look at it with a more discerning eye. For me, it's right up there with the Macy's Day Parade. There is just something really depressing about watching a parade on TV, just like there is something a little depressing about flying Tony Orlando in from Branson to sing "Tears from Heaven" in tribute to another soul lost to MS. It’s the emotional clenching of the fists that gets me. I don't know what to do with made-for-tv grief. So I laugh.
I was a little under the weather last night. This morning I'm pretty out of it with some really bad congestion. I think the telethon sent me over the edge. I might have faired better had I put away a suitcase of Budweiser and sucked down a pack of smokes. I feel pretty bad and I blame Jerry.
All of that said, Jerry Lewis has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. His dedication to finding a cure for MS is amazing. I can't imagine who could replace him. He's bringing in the money and once again showing what people can do when they pull together. Now, that can bring a genuine tear to your eye.
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6 comments:
No doubt about it, you should be a writer. Hilarious. Smitty was trying to have me remember Marci Christenson, and I vaguely do, but not really. We didn't watch the telethon. I used to, but I just got worn out with it. I know it is for a good cause and all that, but it's too bad we have to do things like that for cures for diseases. I am getting more cynical every day, as sometimes I wonder if the actors are all that sincere, even Jerry Lewis, but I guess it is a means to an end in the truest sense. Glad you had such fun with it though. I remember the church lady. It seems there is no end to bad singers. A few weeks ago, a woman did a solo. She used to sing in the choir, but then the contemporary service started a little band and she is the do-da singer, and I guess she thought she was good enough to branch out on her own. Not that I don't appreciate someone who tries, for certainly I do, more power to her. But about 1/4 way into the song, she got off key, and no matter what she did, she could not find it again. Then her voice started crackling. It was torture, for her and for us. If you would have been there I am sure we would have had a good laugh. As it was, I was alone. Smitty was recovering from his back surgery. Instead, I just had to sit there wishing I could laugh. I think it is the only really mean thing I ever do.
great writing becky...didnt watch it but heard the rumbles about some comment jerry lewis made.
seeing as i have an aunt that has MS and is being overcome by it more everyday i wish they would find a cure quickly. it is a mean disease that takes everything away piece by piece and leaves you with your mind intact, trapped a prisoner in your broken body.
I couldn't count the number of "pinch's I got in church for "acting up". But it didn't end there-- I got my butt whipped when I got home. I can't believe we've got lilac bushes in our yard--I actually hate them--that's what my mom used.
I've always hated any kind of parade on TV. The Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade is the worst. For some reason it makes me sick to my stomach and kind of sad. Strange I know. Even hearing it on TV in the next room annoys me. So, suffice it to say there's no TV parade watching going on in our house.
You must have had a traumatic experience during the parade on tv or something. For me, the parade, especially the one before the Rose Bowl, reminds me of Bailey, and it is kind of a nice reminder of him. I used to hate it when my mother would sing Gauway Bay, it is an Irish song. I absolutely detested it and I detest it when I hear it even today. I am not crazy about the Easter holiday, in fact Easter church is one of my least favorite, but I love Maundy Thursday church services. They are my fave, and Christmas Eve church is another fave. Maybe I did something during a parade that upset you. Usually when you have out and out hatred for something it's because of something your mother did.
I can't quite pinpoint why I hate TV parades. Strange, I know! It's just one of those things.
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